The Novel: Admit It. -
I be serving it, riding with the top down,
Farrah Fawcett tripping the ripped deck, my audio
Swerving in my lanes like fat kids doing cardio
all my haters breathing that rough gas, bitches be slow
Check it below, man, you be low,
stooping to my sex names labeling a video
What I am is what I…
Because I’m a fucking rap genius.
It’s not over? It isn’t? ARE YOU SURE?
Pottermore officially makes me feel like I should club a baby seal. When potterfreaks announced via tumblr that they were so excited about Pottermore they could cut off their left nipple and writhe across hot coals for early access, I scoffed just a little and continued reblogging pictures of cute kittens and the like.
And when they got their email about entering Hogwarts, they shit their pants and rubbed it on theirs faces for two reasons: the grotesque marking of their “own kind” now that they weren’t us lowly muggles, and because it was the shit they shitted when they got their letter and aren’t they fucking sentimental?
I consider myself a die-hard fan. I know about 85% more than the average reader. I’m not some crazy fan that knows the names of the other magical schools, besides Salem, Durmstrang, and Beauxbatons, of course. So when the registration went and gone, I was literally criticized for not jumping on the ship to the valley of honey and milk, because GOD DAMN IT was I stupid or something?
No. Actually, I just wanted to wait for the site to open. Open for all. The whole experience. The TRUE experience. I could wait until October 1st to join. That was no problem. It wasn’t even going to be open for the first waves until August or September. One month or more? No problem. And when they got their wands and sorted those houses, it blew up. Potterorgy everywhere. I’m a huffle! I’m a claw! Look at me, I’m a Gryff! Woot, a Slyth!
Flash forward a month when nobody is talking about it. Now look. It’s FEBRUARY. Of the year AFTER it was supposed to debut. I understand betas take time, but this is just a whole different level of fail. No one cares about it. No one talks about it. This is literally like the Star Wars Christmas Episode… sad and embarassing.
And I haven’t had access to this AMAZING Pottermore, but while you enjoy the broken links and the really cool ONE BOOK, I’ve been watching the enthusiasm leave your eyes and you realize you got your letter to Hogwarts, but not your experience in it.
And for that, pottermoreans, I am very sad.
NEVERMIND. I’LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR YOU TOO.
DON’T FORGET ME, I BEGGED.
BUT I REMEMBER YOU SAID:
SOMETIMES IT LASTS IN LOVE BUT SOMETIMES IT HURTS INSTEAD.
SOMETIMES IT LASTS IN LOVE.
BUT SOMETIMES IT HURTS INSTEAD.
SOMEONE LIKE EWE. ROLLING IN THE SHEEP.